Sunday, July 22, 2012

My Momma.

She would have turned 70 today.  She died when I was 19 so sadly I'm used to her not being here..even so...I wanted to share a few pics of her as a little historical document for me. remind all of you who still have your moms around to love and appreciate them.

My little sister Dawn and my Mom, Dorothy.

I've been able to remember her more honestly in the last 10 years or so, being able to admit things about her that upset me or bugged me. This wasn't possibly in the first decade after she died. I was just too sad. I think it's healthy as it shows I'm making progress as the grieving process is never linear, makes no sense and for me..just when I think I'd passed through a phase, I'd be back in it a few months later. I personally believe (and I've had 21 years to ponder this and miss my mom) that it never really ends, it just morphs and becomes manageable over time. You make a new life and it's never the same as the old one, it's different. And you figure out how to manage and survive something that seems insurmountable and horrific. I also want to remember her honestly as I age because that's how I'd want people to remember me.

She loved the color blue.
A drink called a Pink Squirrel. Horrible! She was not a drinker and it tastes terrible. A girlfriend and I had them when I was in my late 20's on my bday to honor my mom. We never had them again. :-)

She wore moccasins and they were not cool. She wore the "true" ones that had no support or cushioning whatsover.

She used words like "Oh, Joan and I were just jawjacking" when referring to chats with friends.

She was good friends with Esther Fritzam (do you LOVE that name?) The Avon Lady.

She found me difficult to raise but would also say "Oh T! You never cease to amaze me!"

She LOVED books. LOVED. If she was reading, you could not get her attention.

Me and my little sister used to fight about who got to sit next to her on the couch when she was reading as she'd be at the end, by the light. Then she'd become angry and sometimes yell "Goddammit! Can't I ever have  moment of peace?"

She had a dirty mouth. See above. NOT always. But I do recall as a teenager once saying to her "Good god, woman! You have the mouth of a sailor."

She was a terrible driver and would try to merge on freeways going about 40mph. Once it was so scary that I yelled "You're going to kill us!" and she said "I have never had a ticket! I am a great driver!" and I yelled "You're terrible and everytime you get pulled over you have a car full of kids so the officer feels sorry for you and lets you go!".

She did not speak to me for a few days after that convo.

She smoked wayy to much and loved cigarettes and coffee.

She bought us a lot of fun junkfood on a regular basis.

She loved us.

She made me homemade Play Doh as a kid. I received a cash register for my 9th bday and was overjoyed. I woke up the next morning and saw her tracing change..quarters, nickels and dimes. I didn't have the language at the time, but I recall thinking "Wow, my mom is amazing and she really loves me." The memory of that makes me want to cry.

She hated sewing and for years told me our machine was broken. Her mother was a master seamstress. I never realized she was lying about the "broken" sewing machine until after she died. There was nothing wrong with it, she just didn't want to sew.

She did, however...crochet me a RAD green jumpsuit for my Barbie one year. Barbie ROCKED that outfit!

She was funny and inappropriate at times with her humor. She embarrassed me. I remember being about 15 at the State Fair and she started yelling at people carrying signs to legalize pot. I was mortified. She also yelled at older men who would look at me when I was a teen. "What the hell are you looking at you pig? She's FIFTEEN!" As an adult, I appreciate all of this.

She was strong willed.

She loved the Golden Girls. Especially..Estelle Getty I think?

Also loved...Dolly Parton. Kenny Rogers. Country music. Charley Pride.Johnny Mathis. The theatre. I didn't appreciate the theatre visits as a child, but as an adult I can see what she was doing.

She was really pretty, but I never saw that as a child. I think you just think of your mom as your mom and don't see them as anything beyond that for years.

She never took enough photos which is why I am a FREAK about pictures and documents and even this blog as I can document life and little moments.

The great news: The love never dies. It's forever and always, to infinity and beyond!

Have a wonderful Sunday!!



Anonymous said...

Oh I love this post! It makes me very happy and also terribly sad at the same time. This :D plus this :( = :/

It makes me miss your mom too, and it reminds me of how much I miss my own mom (for anyone who reads this, our moms were sisters and both are now in heaven together, perhaps joy riding unicorns and shaking their heads whenever we make strange decisions). And it makes my heart feel verklempt for anyone out there missing their moms.

What I remember about your mom:
* She was my mom's best friend, and whenever they were together, nothing could shake or break their conversation. Even if meteors were hurtling towards the earth like in the movie 2012, their focus on each other could not be broken.

* In keeping with that, many, many, times at holidays and what not, we would be yelling, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" and they wouldn't turn their heads until time number 11.

* She was incredibly sarcastic and hilarious, and she and my mom would laugh, laugh, laugh together.

* Whenever I stayed over at your house, she treated me exactly like one of her own kids. So I would get yelled at just like I was part of the whole group, and I'd be fed and tucked in just like everyone else. I was very comfortable there.

* She was incredibly clean! Every Saturday, without fail, that whole house would shine!

* She was incredibly ballsy and would also embarrass my own mom in crowds. There is an extremely "famous" Olive Garden experience where she apparently made quite the scene, and whenever my mom talked about it, she'd say, "Oh God" and blush and laugh and say, "OMG" a lot.

* She was a great cook! What I remember most: her spaghetti! Which was exactly like my mom's spaghetti, and it was AWESOME. And it was awesome that we both grew up eating the same, delicious recipes.

* One quote, "Forget your damn Ziggy!"

* Family meant a lot to her!! The connection she had with all her sisters and her mom (grandma!) was unshakable with her. She made a point to keep it all connected.

* Christmas at your house! Probably some of my favorite Christmases ever. The year we all decided that for dessert, we'd all just make batches of various cookies and bring them over! I have an excellent pic of her (but I do not have a scanner) that I sent you long ago (in photo form), where she and my mom and the rest of our aunts are laughing up a storm at one of the Christmases at your house.

Love this post! Both heartwarming and poignant and fun and entertaining at the same time.

Thanks for introducing your interesting, spicy, feisty, funny, mom to all your readers.

Sent you a text on this, but it could not come at a better time: watch today's Super Soul Sunday with the author of "Wild"! Who also lost her mom at a young age, and also talks about remembering her mom honestly, and makes an honest list in her book about it. You will love and relate to this interview! And it aired TODAY! Don't you think that's a bit kismet? Anyhow, watch it!

Hope you're having a good Sunday, taco-san.

your cousin, bff, Kim said...

Kim San~

What a great memory you have!! Some of that stuff I had forgotten over time..

LOL on the Ziggy quote! I am so glad you recall that as I never did until you "reminded me of my OWN memories!"

It made my heart sing to read that you felt like my mom treated you like her own on "I was very comfortable there"..

I DID see Cheryl Strayed on Super Soul Sunday today and was moved. Interesting timing, no?

I luhs you like I luh cake~



Tina@WhatWeKeep said...

This is so sweet, Tina.
A really beautiful tribute to your sassy momma. My mom wore those mocs, too.
Yes, your life won't ever be the same, but different is okay. Okay enough to heal and go on. I love that you say that you want to remember her honestly...not better, not worse. Just as she was. Sounds like the healing is taking place.
xxx, T. said...


Thanks so much for your sweet comment. It made my day. :-)

I LOL that your mom wore the same mocs! To this day I think "huh?" and then wonder "Should I, too..wear a pair in honor of my Mom?" and then I say "Hell NO!"



Tina@WhatWeKeep said...

Have you seen those mocs this year? They're baaa-aack!

Did you get my email about the photo editing? I got a lot of returned email this weekend from bloggers that have their email set on no reply.

Hope you have a great week!

The Other Tina ;)