My little sister Dawn and my Mom, Dorothy.
I've been able to remember her more honestly in the last 10 years or so, being able to admit things about her that upset me or bugged me. This wasn't possibly in the first decade after she died. I was just too sad. I think it's healthy as it shows I'm making progress as the grieving process is never linear, makes no sense and for me..just when I think I'd passed through a phase, I'd be back in it a few months later. I personally believe (and I've had 21 years to ponder this and miss my mom) that it never really ends, it just morphs and becomes manageable over time. You make a new life and it's never the same as the old one, it's different. And you figure out how to manage and survive something that seems insurmountable and horrific. I also want to remember her honestly as I age because that's how I'd want people to remember me.
She loved the color blue.
Magnolias.
A drink called a Pink Squirrel. Horrible! She was not a drinker and it tastes terrible. A girlfriend and I had them when I was in my late 20's on my bday to honor my mom. We never had them again. :-)
She wore moccasins and they were not cool. She wore the "true" ones that had no support or cushioning whatsover.
She used words like "Oh, Joan and I were just jawjacking" when referring to chats with friends.
She was good friends with Esther Fritzam (do you LOVE that name?) The Avon Lady.
She found me difficult to raise but would also say "Oh T! You never cease to amaze me!"
She LOVED books. LOVED. If she was reading, you could not get her attention.
Me and my little sister used to fight about who got to sit next to her on the couch when she was reading as she'd be at the end, by the light. Then she'd become angry and sometimes yell "Goddammit! Can't I ever have moment of peace?"
She had a dirty mouth. See above. NOT always. But I do recall as a teenager once saying to her "Good god, woman! You have the mouth of a sailor."
She was a terrible driver and would try to merge on freeways going about 40mph. Once it was so scary that I yelled "You're going to kill us!" and she said "I have never had a ticket! I am a great driver!" and I yelled "You're terrible and everytime you get pulled over you have a car full of kids so the officer feels sorry for you and lets you go!".
She did not speak to me for a few days after that convo.
She smoked wayy to much and loved cigarettes and coffee.
She bought us a lot of fun junkfood on a regular basis.
She loved us.
She made me homemade Play Doh as a kid. I received a cash register for my 9th bday and was overjoyed. I woke up the next morning and saw her tracing change..quarters, nickels and dimes. I didn't have the language at the time, but I recall thinking "Wow, my mom is amazing and she really loves me." The memory of that makes me want to cry.
She hated sewing and for years told me our machine was broken. Her mother was a master seamstress. I never realized she was lying about the "broken" sewing machine until after she died. There was nothing wrong with it, she just didn't want to sew.
She did, however...crochet me a RAD green jumpsuit for my Barbie one year. Barbie ROCKED that outfit!
She was funny and inappropriate at times with her humor. She embarrassed me. I remember being about 15 at the State Fair and she started yelling at people carrying signs to legalize pot. I was mortified. She also yelled at older men who would look at me when I was a teen. "What the hell are you looking at you pig? She's FIFTEEN!" As an adult, I appreciate all of this.
She was strong willed.
She loved the Golden Girls. Especially..Estelle Getty I think?
Also loved...Dolly Parton. Kenny Rogers. Country music. Charley Pride.Johnny Mathis. The theatre. I didn't appreciate the theatre visits as a child, but as an adult I can see what she was doing.
She was really pretty, but I never saw that as a child. I think you just think of your mom as your mom and don't see them as anything beyond that for years.
She never took enough photos which is why I am a FREAK about pictures and documents and even this blog as I can document life and little moments.
The great news: The love never dies. It's forever and always, to infinity and beyond!
Have a wonderful Sunday!!
xxoo
